Smudged Humanity

Sometimes I forget where I am. It happened again today. Sitting on the back of a rickshaw van with two of my fellow teachers and friends here, Shuma and Tuli, being pedaled by a man back to Bangla Hope through the late afternoon fog I saw the scene before me with new eyes.

Dozens of rickshaws weaving their way along the street between trucks, goats, and people. Children laughing and turning from their tasks; yelling their greeting to me while waving wildly (Oh yeah, I guess I am the only white girl for miles around.) Hundreds of cows and people dot the horizon as they finish up the last of the rice harvest.

Maybe it was the weather today. Waking up to fog so thick you could only see 10 feet in front of you and a temperature more like the climate I experience at home in the Pacific Northwest. Although 70 degrees with 88% humidity is quite different and a lot colder here than at home. Or, maybe it was the sight of the man wearing a lungi I sat knee to knee with on the rickshaw. Friendly with black hair, whiskered face, speaking nothing but Bangla. Today, I saw again: where I am now will change me. Where I've been is still with me. My physical location on this earth or chosen profession doesn't change the fact that I am human. No matter where you go or what you see we are all the same. Humanity everywhere is breathing to believe; to hope. It may not be the same hope, but we are all desperate for something better. We were created this way.

"There is a desire within each of us, in the deep center of ourselves that we call our heart. We were born with it, it is never completely satisfied, and it never dies. We are often unaware of it, but it is always awake...Our true identity, our reason for being, is to be found in this desire." -Gerald May The Awakened Heart

Bangladesh is my home. And even though I came here to serve others my priorities still get mixed up. Sometimes I forget where I am, because on the inside I am still Mackenzie no matter if I am at home being called "Macca" or here being called "Kenzie Teacher" by 130 children; I am still a being whose humanity smudges the beauty around me despite my best intentions. What I'm finding in spite of my shortcomings is before I leave my apartment to serve others I need to spend time with Jesus in solitude. Otherwise, my service is nothing. "Without Love..." (aka Jesus: 1 Corinthians 13).  Easy to say, huh? So hard to do!

The SM office sent me a devotional book a couple of weeks ago. In the past I haven't been a huge fan of devotional books in my own life, but I decided to give it a shot to keep myself accountable. How's it coming you may ask? Well, I got to day 10. It's day 12 and the book is sitting unopened beside my bed with the marker still on day 10. So, I'm still working on it. But, what I'm finding through various failures is I still succeed at the end of the day when I can count Jesus' appearances in various gifts throughout my day. Jesus then becomes the victor of my day; not my fallen, broken humanity.

Change takes time, but remembering where we are in the here and now and where we have been is important to the process. Being present is being in communion with the One who is from beginning to end.