Sunday, February 17, 2013


Laying words down on loose pages is a re-centering action for my hands and heart. Writing gives clarity and washes away all the muddled thoughts to where I can see what really is important in this life I'm walking through, because that's the thing, we're all just walking through towards a beautiful awakening. But, I firmly believe we're already being called to wake to the love messages of our Waker everywhere!

Days go by where all I want to do is lay on my bed and read a thought-provoking book and soak in the words of an author who leads me by the hand in ways they have been awakened. By reading I'm hoping to vicariously live their awakened journeys and yet, I have my very own beautiful awakening to experience if only I would get off my bed and see it! So, I get up and press on.

A flood is springing from long blue pipes, refreshing the ground. Sitting on the edge of the courtyard I wait with knees tucked under chin for those precious brown eyes to open. Slowly, little feet step into the light of the afternoon and hands rub the darkness away from drooping eyelids. I smile as I watch those brown eyes take in the scene of this flood in their own front yard. Thirty minutes pass and I am no longer alone, but little feet swing freely as they line the perimeter of the courtyard watching. No one is yelling, but we're mesmerized by the flooding of this yard. A flood bringing life to the earth beneath. A flood awakening my soul to be still and know the gifts in these brown swinging feet around.

Water falls from the sky and it's 6:30 am and I am out of my bed fast as I run up the steps to the roof and just stand. Drops trickle down my joyous cheeks and I am awake! Five months and the earth has been dry. Today, the earth was awakened to life once again and Jesus is alive in this beautiful awakening for He gave it. I soak it into my core far past where the rain has soaked its way into my dry skin. This is a moment of awakening. Awakening is always an option when belief is held in a personal Creator, our Elohim.

"Thank me for the conditions that are requiring you to be still...quietness and trust enhance your awareness of My Presence with you. Do not despise these simple ways of serving Me. Although you feel cut off from the activity of the world, your quiet trust makes a powerful statement in spiritual realms."

- Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

*Elohim is the Hebrew name for addressing God as personal.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Intentional Lover

"I'm dust," and thoughts swirl in my head as I listen to the oldest girls sing worship. It's Valentine's Day and sure I sprinkled some love around, but that's all it is, just a sprinkle.

A week ago I sat on the dust-sprinkled mat with village and Hope children alike and reveled in the songs sung and glanced at the bamboo tree leaves clapping in the wind mesmerized by one thought: what if I was created for this moment alone?

What if we are all created with the intention of being exactly where and who we are in this undivided moment?

So, what am I doing with my head a mess and in the clouds and every-once-in-awhile moments of actually being fully here where I was created to be? Visionary or not, my feet have got to be on the ground. And it's because I forget. I forget to acknowledge the Lover of my soul in the moment I was created for and my thanks gets put off for another unidentified time.

And even now, I sit glued to my chair and this pathetic screen looking for my answer when all I really need to do is go out there. So, I'm going. Going and counting these 128 love-hungry, dusty beings as the image of the Lover. Kissing each one goodnight and laying my head to sleep with thankfulness for an intentional Lover who created me for this moment.

Shubo bhalobasha dibosh!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013


There are moments when my heart just hurts. When ten year-old's trip and fall scraping their legs when really their pride is hurt more than their fall. When I feel like all I do is talk and not enough loving. When Kakoli stood on the sidewalk by the garden and told me she was going to check on Baby Kenzie, who lies under that cross stuck in the ground, to see if Kenzie had gotten better and I gently told her "No, Kenzie will not be better. She is sleeping until Jesus comes again."

Grabbing hold of my arms and looking up at me, Kakoli replied with a look of desperation shading the corners of her eyes, "What if I give my life to her? Will she get better?"

Oh, my heart ached! But, this was the good news: "You know what? Jesus already did and that is why we will all get to be in heaven. So, no, Kakoli, you do not have to give her your life, because Jesus already did."

And it is in these moments of soul-wondering and hoping where truth comes through: Jesus is the victor every time. Every individual moment of wondering and pain and joy, He is victorious! And it has never been so profound in my life as when a child who couldn't fathom death offered her life for a baby. She is the image bearer of God! A willing sacrifice and a testament to my own dust-filled hands.

Speckles of clouds reflect orange as I write. I've been to the city, gone home in the night on that bumpy road, and know that as I play with these happy children, outside of this fence cars are burning and people are being hurt all in the name of passion and politics! And even still Jesus is victorious.

My focus is a mess most of the time. I drift off to sleep while trying to pray and my Bible is closed most days. Student missionary, student, friend, daughter, I openly confess I am a mess, but Jesus still died.

Still. That's it, right? When I am still I know He is victorious. When I am still I see the gifts of His love messages in creation. When I am still I know courage comes from the God who defines me. Just do it: be still. This where we find Him and know Him. (Psalm 46:10)

Almighty God, who is victorious in the chaos of politics, the pain of saying goodbye, and the day to day scrapes, desires with a life-sacrificing action of love for Him to be known and for us to be well.