Still

There are moments when my heart just hurts. When ten year-old's trip and fall scraping their legs when really their pride is hurt more than their fall. When I feel like all I do is talk and not enough loving. When Kakoli stood on the sidewalk by the garden and told me she was going to check on Baby Kenzie, who lies under that cross stuck in the ground, to see if Kenzie had gotten better and I gently told her "No, Kenzie will not be better. She is sleeping until Jesus comes again."

Grabbing hold of my arms and looking up at me, Kakoli replied with a look of desperation shading the corners of her eyes, "What if I give my life to her? Will she get better?"

Oh, my heart ached! But, this was the good news: "You know what? Jesus already did and that is why we will all get to be in heaven. So, no, Kakoli, you do not have to give her your life, because Jesus already did."

And it is in these moments of soul-wondering and hoping where truth comes through: Jesus is the victor every time. Every individual moment of wondering and pain and joy, He is victorious! And it has never been so profound in my life as when a child who couldn't fathom death offered her life for a baby. She is the image bearer of God! A willing sacrifice and a testament to my own dust-filled hands.

Speckles of clouds reflect orange as I write. I've been to the city, gone home in the night on that bumpy road, and know that as I play with these happy children, outside of this fence cars are burning and people are being hurt all in the name of passion and politics! And even still Jesus is victorious.

My focus is a mess most of the time. I drift off to sleep while trying to pray and my Bible is closed most days. Student missionary, student, friend, daughter, I openly confess I am a mess, but Jesus still died.

Still. That's it, right? When I am still I know He is victorious. When I am still I see the gifts of His love messages in creation. When I am still I know courage comes from the God who defines me. Just do it: be still. This where we find Him and know Him. (Psalm 46:10)

Almighty God, who is victorious in the chaos of politics, the pain of saying goodbye, and the day to day scrapes, desires with a life-sacrificing action of love for Him to be known and for us to be well.